The decision to show apathy towards something is the decision to never receive it.
If you are unsuccessful in your love-life, it’s because you’ve chosen to separate yourself from those who may be a good lover.
Being naive or new to an opportunity is not the same.
Saying, “I don’t get ______” is a deliberate practice, and is usually internalized — which means it’s harder to notice.
This way of making decisions comes from 3 areas of life — environment, group, peer.
How do you understand them better so you can improve your decisions?
Here are the 3 areas explained:
Put yourself in a new and encouraging environment to help shape a fresh outlook, thus giving you the ability to learn and grow.
In the experiment, they wanted to see how cockroaches would perform running, with and without other cockroaches present.
What they found was interestingly human-like;
when the task was easy, when it was well-learned, running straight — something cockroaches know how to do well — having others around helped them do better. They ran faster with others than they did by themselves. But when it was a difficult task, when they had to figure out, “Do I go left or do I go right?” Then it was more complicated. The mere presence of others actually made them do worse.
If we perform worse when learning something new, and therefore don’t want to be seen in the act, it’s inevitable we’ll fall back into our old standards.
This can be tricky when trying to overcome a bad habit.
Try putting yourself in a new and encouraging environment and see what happens.
Choose the people you associate with more wisely by recognizing their influence over your decisions.
If you were to travel to Hong Kong and go into a Starbucks, you would see that everyone has the same grande size of a relative drink.
Compared to the United States, when you walk into a Starbucks, there are a variety of beverages in people’s hands, all differing in size.
studies have shown that indeed if you order more variety, people think more highly of you… But in Hong Kong they wanted to convey conformity and not uniqueness.
Culture and peers have a high influence your choices.
“Birds of a feather fly together” holds true in that you are more likely to choose something that is less enjoyable just to fit in or look a certain image in front of a group.
Try seeing how your decisions vary with certain people and which behaviors you like and dislike.
Find a friend or ask someone like-minded to become a mentor of yours.
Peers and mentors garner the perspective of noticing your gradual improvements that you cannot see normally.
One methodology is the buddy system, which pairs individuals together in order to help them look out and care for one another.
It’s known to be used since 1942, and has a psychological effect to keep you committed to an exercise routine, new diet, etc. because of the emotional contribution from your peer.
Like a birds-eye view — distance gives us the bigger picture. As Oprah explained,
A mentor is someone who allows you to see the hope inside yourself. A mentor is someone who allows you to know that no matter how dark the night, in the morning joy will come. A mentor is someone who allows you to see the higher part of yourself when sometimes it becomes hidden to your own view.
Your own view can be flawed, since you see yourself everyday, and know all of your deep inner-past’s bad tendencies.
Try asking a friend or peer who has their act together if they can start helping you better yourself.